Irish Medical Times | Opinion

Opinion: The Inside Back

All entries for The Inside Back

When is an orca attack in captivity the fault of humans? Always

G.B. | 04 March 2010

Last week, there were two big stories involving marine wildlife in captivity, one that ended in the loss of human life and one near-miss catastrophe. The first was an ‘attack’ by a killer-whale trainer at a Sea World amusement park... Read more

O’Leary is to business as Stalin is to totalitarianism

G.B. | 25 February 2010

Michael O’Leary has really lost it this time. This is absolutely bonkers. And members of the Opposition who try to gain political capital from a mess that does not exist outside of O’Leary’s head should be warned that their self-respect... Read more

Some thoughts on the art of literary reviewing

G.B. | 18 February 2010

I’ve started writing book reviews for the Irish Times, and in a few weeks I’ll be on a panel at the Dublin Book Festival talking, from what I know so far, about the art of literary reviewing. Since I am... Read more

My estate is just about to be like Escape from New York

G.B. | 11 February 2010

Around the office, dozens of little restaurants and cafes have been shutting their doors over the last few weeks. It seems like one or two closes every day. The other day, an old friend came to meet me for lunch.... Read more

Thoughts on the death of JD Salinger

G.B. | 04 February 2010

I didn’t even know JD Salinger was still alive until recently, when his lawyers stopped publication of a book, written by a bit of a self-professed jokester hack, about Holden Caulfield as a grown-up. I think that was last year.... Read more

Democracy has jumped the shark

G.B. | 28 January 2010

A big decision by the US Supreme Court has put the future of democracy in a bit of a pickle, and the fallout is likely to be felt around the world in just a few generations of elections. The court... Read more

Does human life have value, and why?

G.B. | 21 January 2010

I recently had a conversation with a friend regarding the catastrophic earthquake in Haiti. He’d sent a funny email as soon as he heard - about how US bankers had somehow caused it in order to deflect attention away from... Read more

Close the schools! Open the schools!

G.B. | 14 January 2010

My eight-month-old son got a bath in slightly warmed Evian bottled water over the weekend, while our water was off. We weren’t going to bathe him at all, but after two barfs and an explosive poo, the wipes weren’t working... Read more

Uganda considers death by hanging for evil homosexuals

G.B. | 07 January 2010

In Uganda, where, according to The New York Times, mobs beat people to death for crimes as small as stealing shoes, the authorities recently attempted to enact the death penalty for homosexuals. Only the threat of reduced foreign aid by... Read more

Don't buy your partner an iPhone

17 December 2009

Four months after purchasing an iPhone, my level of connectedness with the world has probably increased a hundred-fold. I used to have a flivver of a phone - large and ugly and often semi-functioning - and no contract: I was... Read more

You live in a society that has no ideas

G.B. | 10 December 2009

Cormac McCarthy, the acclaimed US author, sold his typewriter for about $250,000 in a Sotheby’s auction. The money went to charity. This to me is a sign of a deluded individual maintaining a belief that there is something magical and... Read more

Will you now crash your SUV to be like Tiger?

G.B. | 03 December 2009

Tiger Woods crashed his SUV into a fire hydrant or tree or both, and this has become, at least as I write this, the most significant news story since the election of Barack Obama. It was certainly a lot more... Read more

Pessimism is constant as the times change

G.B. | 26 November 2009

It’s almost December. Everything is still sh*t. That makes me 35 and 0 on my yearly predictions that everything will remain the same or get worse. I retroactively count the year I was nonverbal, since it would be reckless to... Read more

Why don't they make Rosebuds anymore?

G.B. | 19 November 2009

I went shopping today for a toy for my little boy — nearly seven months old. I wanted to get a little soft elephant or dog or tiger that played a cute, music-box nursery rhyme. I had a little elephant... Read more

The Berlin Wall: my heroic part in its fall

G.B. | 12 November 2009

You’re nobody, in the world of journalism, unless you’ve been asked to contribute a column for a national newspaper in which you self-importantly and glibly describe your role - as a young, impressionable, socially-minded but ultimately naive reporter - in... Read more

Jedward win would be 'disaster' — Simon Cowell

G.B. | 05 November 2009

It will come as little surprise to the regular readers of Inside Back that I have never watched an episode of the X-Factor. I do know, however, who Simon Cowell is. And today, as I write this, the big news... Read more

This is just like that episode of The Simpsons

G.B. | 29 October 2009

It was the 20th anniversary of The Simpsons last week. The 20th. This means that there are adults who have never lived in a world without it. It also means I have been, for most of my life, subjected to... Read more

Thoughts on bus drivers and the fake politeness that starts there and rules our lives

G.B. | 22 October 2009

I am completely unaware of why I continue to say please and thanks to Dublin city bus drivers. I live near the very first stop on a route that goes from Clongriffin (a new estate on the northside that is... Read more

Am I suffering from swine flu envy?

G.B. | 15 October 2009

I was under the weather for a few days recently. I went to bed on a Sunday night feeling awful, and woke up on Monday morning unable to see the point of going on living. This was more than man... Read more

Chekhov — is he as big as Barbara Streisand?

G.B. | 08 October 2009

I'm afraid there's no time to write anything good or coherent ever again. Applications for new Inside Back columnist are being accepted starting this week. I won’t tell anyone it’s not me, but I will give guest contributors a cut.... Read more

Argument for retaining arts funding is found in plays, books & galleries

01 October 2009

A new organisation – the National Campaign for the Arts (www.ncfa.ie) has been created to argue the importance of the arts to economic recovery. The group will argue for the retention of Culture Ireland, the retention of the Irish Film... Read more

Even on a fine day our 'Inside Back' columnist sees gloom and doom

24 September 2009

Whenever there is sun in Dublin, there is a lot of traffic and activity, and generally people look absolutely miserable until they get to their destination, at which point they realise the only way they know how to have fun... Read more

The Lisbon vote: who to believe?

17 September 2009

The first thing I’m going to do if the ‘Yes’ vote for the Lisbon Treaty is victorious is get an abortion. The doctor may say to me: “Hey, men can’t get abortions!” But I’ll say, “I now have a constitutional... Read more

My four-month-old son to sail solo around the world in a yacht

G.B. | 10 September 2009

Some Dutch or Danish girl wants to sail around the world at 13 years old? Seriously? Well, why the f*%@ not, I guess. When I was 13, I wanted to watch ‘Airwolf’ and skip school so I could catch the... Read more

I need a dune buggy and around 5,000 tins of baked beans

G.B. | 03 September 2009

I read today in The Irish Times – I’m reading newspapers again (my editor is tired of me saying, as a journalist who works for a newspaper, that I’ve stopped reading newspapers) – that the Center for Disease Control in... Read more

Motorcycle diaries and thoughts on Lockerbie bomber

G.B. | 27 August 2009

Just got my bike back from the shop. It’s been there since April, after an American in a rental car hit me and basically killed me. I have it back now, but I’m having trouble adapting to being on two... Read more

Taking my first ever corporate ethics course

G.B. | 20 August 2009

I was required recently, as an employee of a large multi-national company (IMT is owned by a large multi-national), to take a one-hour course on the company’s corporate ethics policy. I had delayed it for some time, presuming I would... Read more

Rage against the machine of injustice

G.B. | 13 August 2009

The arrest by early morning raid of about 20 Thomas Cook staff, including a pregnant woman, has sort of enraged me. I don’t normally get enraged by scenes of social injustice. If there is one rule I try to live... Read more

The next evolutionary phase of man: stupidity

G.B. | 06 August 2009

The drop in support for Barack Obama following his comment that police had acted ‘stupidly’ in relation to the arrest of documentary filmmaker Henry Louis Gates, and the outpouring of support for Michael Jackson after his death, and the creation... Read more

The coffee machine that spells my certain death

G.B. | 31 July 2009

The best and worst thing to ever happen in this office is the recent arrival of a very fancy coffee machine that makes both espresso and drip coffee. So now there is a constant pot of warm, semi-tasty coffee about... Read more

We really need a critic like Charles Baudelaire

G.B. | 17 July 2009

I was recently reading a very good essay in an online journal about the influence of Charles Baudelaire on other art critics of his time. I was a big fan of his poetry and knew very little about him as... Read more

Why do some people with impeccable taste sometimes have none?

G.B. | 12 July 2009

Tom Service, a music critic for The Guardian, wrote an article last week for the Irish Times (well, the Times published his syndicated article) regarding a music venture between Britain’s oldest symphony orchestra, the Hallé, and the world’s most sentimental... Read more

It's a miracle! It's a miracle!

G.B. | 03 July 2009

The USA made it to the finals of the Confederation Cup by beating Spain 2 - 0. For those of you who do not know what the Confederation Cup is, it is an irrelevant soccer tournament in which, from what... Read more

The most trusted source for news: your taxi driver

G.B. | 29 June 2009

As the last bits of free time drift irretrievably out of my week, there’s no hope of me trying to keep up with news. I did not, until very late, learn that riots were taking place in Iran. I’ve cut... Read more

An open letter to anyone who opposes Lisbon without Irish guarantees

G.B. | 19 June 2009

Heinrich Böll once said that something he quite liked about Ireland – the people of Ireland — was that they were the only people in Europe that had not set out to conquer. He said this while drinking a cup... Read more

Every day is Father's day

G.B. | 12 June 2009

Well, it’s been about four months since my baby was born, and I have not yet discovered what all the fuss is about. You’re not supposed to say those things about your own child, nor that he does little more... Read more

The pleasures of public transport – and using the time productively

G.B. | 08 June 2009

The joy of riding public transportation is dependent on one’s ability to drive oneself, if one wanted. In the weeks since my motorcycle was cruelly taken away from me by an American tourist in a rental car, who decided to... Read more

Not watching television has ruined my ability to appreciate drivel

G.B. | 02 June 2009

I stopped watching television last December. The last thing I watched was Elf, starring Will Farrell, and I thought it was pretty funny. Since then, I’ve watched approximately one hour of incontiguous television. This includes ski jumping and about 30... Read more

Interview with the guy from vehicle recovery

G.B. | 14 May 2009

The breakdown recovery man picked me up outside my local Centra. He and I were going to the impound lot in Balbriggan together, so I could pick up my motorycle, which a car had run over (with me on it)... Read more

Let me tell you about working from home

G.B. | 11 May 2009

As a result of getting hit by a car last week, thrown off my motorcycle (that’s right, ladies, a motorcycle) and smashing my knee – I use the word ‘smash’, but perhaps it’s more like ‘bang’ – I’ve been allowed... Read more

Thoughts while lying on a Dublin pavement

G.B. | 05 May 2009

I woke early on a Saturday to write this column. I have been sitting at this computer for more than an hour, trying to think of something my five readers might like to read to distract them from their work.... Read more

The state of creative writing in Ireland

G.B | 23 April 2009

I was just thinking about the fate of the short story in Ireland. A friend of mine is looking for a university-based creative writing course, because he’s interested in writing short stories. I told him he should try to find... Read more

Reading instruction guides on children

G.B. | 20 April 2009

Due date of the baby is fast approaching. As a result, my girlfriend (this is our first baby) is devouring instruction books regarding babies. The first one she read is the most infamous — the Contented Baby Book — which... Read more

So much has changed that I must also change

07 April 2009

TS Eliot once said something like: So much has changed that I must also change. I am remembering this rather inexactly, but what my fractured recollection still manages to convey is this: the world had altered so profoundly that traditional... Read more

Thoughts on King Lear and other observations

G.B. | 06 April 2009

A friend and I went to see King Lear at the Helix last week. It was closing night for a play that received, unexpectedly, really wonderful reviews. I never read any of those reviews: I only heard people say it... Read more

Oh, was it ****ing St Patrick's Day again?

G.B. | 30 March 2009

It appears that another St Patrick’s Day has passed. I only know that it most likely definitely took place because I saw a guy, covered in an Irish flag, passed out by the bus stop in Darndale, with a painted-green... Read more

The opera house at the end of the world

G.B. | 21 March 2009

I went to see Mozart’s Don Giovanni at the Gaiety two weeks ago. The best way to describe the experience is this: it’s like watching opera with a bunch of monkeys. Or drunk football fans. I don’t mean the production.... Read more

Can someone please tell me why Dublin's Ikea is not open?

G.B. | 16 March 2009

It is true that Ikea probably represents the end of human individualism for the middle classes, but it does so only after the fact. So shopping at Ikea does not cause the apocalypse; it merely reflects the apocalypse. I drove... Read more

Baby-buggy envy is the new reason for my existence

G.B. | 11 March 2009

At the risk of allowing this to devolve into a Roisin Ingle column about ‘being pregnant’, I would like to announce my new obsession: my new Bugaboo Cameleon buggy. Before anyone gets the wrong idea – I do not read... Read more

New polls show I have no idea how bad economy is

G.B. | 27 February 2009

A poll carried out today by Inside Back shows that 100 per cent of me has no idea how fast the economy is collapsing, nor how far it will fall, nor what the experts have to say about it. It... Read more

A state of fugue

G.B. | 18 February 2009

Nobody likes the guy who has just come home after an extended stay abroad. All he wants to talk about is how everything is better over there – wherever there is. So I shall try to stay away from comparisons... Read more

Rainy day in Schloss Belvedere

G.B. | 15 February 2009

Vienna, Day 30: The end of good weather, and an intensifying interest in Bach. I set out early in a kind of grey rain-snow with my headphones. I left my cousin W sitting in his kitchen drinking tea. He has... Read more

Please tell Bono not to say ‘Palestinian’ so loudly

G.B. | 09 February 2009

I caught some coverage of the big concert for Obama that was held the day before his inauguration. It was about 1am in Vienna when I returned home from another night of drinking on my own. My cousin, Walter, with... Read more

Nachrichten aus Wien

G.B. | 28 January 2009

My first few days in Vienna – I am here until the end of February – have me steeped in thoughts of language, expression and identity. While celebrating New Year’s Eve on the streets in sub-zero temperatures, I told a... Read more

Observations on a Peugeot I do not own

G.B. | 13 January 2009

While driving my girlfriend’s 1994 Peugot 106 from Dublin to Westport, I found myself stuck behind a 2008 Range Rover Sport being driven erratically by a woman who was on her phone. I am about 6’1” — not all that... Read more

If you are this woman, please do us a favour

GB | 08 January 2009

One morning in December, a very handsome-looking and well-dressed woman got on the bus and sat in the seat behind me. We were about 45 minutes from my stop on the quays when she boarded – a long way and... Read more

Inside Back — almost in a good Xmas mood

10 December 2008

During the last weekend of November, I drove with S to the Beara Peninsula in west Cork. On the first day, I developed ‘man flu’ – which would, quite shortly, escalate to real flu followed by winter vomiting bug (or... Read more

I don't know. Let them eat chocolate

G. B. | 03 December 2008

It’s December again. It’s time to stop being such an a**hole. You’ve spent the last eleven months treating everyone you know like s**t, but now is the time to start being nice so that, come New Year’s Day, you can... Read more

You think you're interesting but you're an obnoxious fool

G.B. | 02 December 2008

I know people who feel that if they don’t walk, they can’t think. They walk to comprehend themselves. I have known a few old men who clasp their hands behind their backs, and lift their chins, in order to philosophise.... Read more

Observations on the possible Aer Lingus strike

G.B. | 21 November 2008

I never know what I believe, when it comes to unions and industrial action. The reason is that I am neither conservative nor liberal. I have almost no public politics, and within myself, my politics are anarchic. I mistrust laws:... Read more

Hope, change, history and other things that don't exist

17 November 2008

As the world celebrates renewal in America – a country that, with the right leadership, can encourage and defend and realise democracy around the globe, and ignite the occasional but indomitable lust for hope in humankind – let us, the... Read more

The crucifixion of Willie O’Dea and the Irish lust for indignance

04 November 2008

The world record for the longest conversation held between two or more people speaking at the same time while wagging fingers at each other was broken on RTE’s Questions and Answers last week. The conversation was held between Willie O’Dea... Read more

The crucifixion of Willie O’Dea and other observations

29 October 2008

Financial meltdown: get your popcorn

13 October 2008

Just after the US House of Representatives voted to reject a $700 billion bailout plan, a Republican lawmaker (flanked by other Republican lawmakers) blamed the speech by the House Majority Leader, Nancy Pelosi (a Democrat), which he suggested was partisan,... Read more

How to look like you’re trying to look smart

03 October 2008

A few weeks ago, Kathryn Thomas used the word ‘enormity’ incorrectly on national television, and so far as I can surmise, about a dozen people noticed. She should have said ‘enormousness’, if the particular substance of the root (e- (variant... Read more

The Cadbury’s ads make me want to eat chocolate

01 October 2008

It is a common misconception among people in the advertising world that advertising is a form of art. A more accurate phrase is that art can be used successfully in advertising. A friend of mine who is an amateur composer... Read more

Official:Doomsday is eighth day of the week

19 September 2008

Last week, the Large Hadron Collider underneath the Swiss-French border went live, and, despite widely reported concerns that this gigantic microscope was actually a Doomsday machine, things have continued as normal. The most powerful machine ever built for investigating the... Read more

Do you know how fast the universe is expanding?

10 September 2008

I read recently that the most recent estimation of the Hubble constant – that is, the rate of expansion of the universe – is 74 kilometres per second per megaparsec (that last ‘per’ indicates accleration, of course). Don’t know what... Read more

Intimations of World War III

03 September 2008

If this were twenty-five years ago, you can bet that all the supermarkets in the world would be empty of tinned food, bottled water and batteries, and instead of being glued to the television watching swimming in the Olympics, we’d... Read more

My alternate middle-class family in 2050

14 August 2008

A lecturer in economics at the University of Limerick last week published a op-ed in The Irish Times in which he predicted the state of middle-class Irish life in 2050. The question he asked himself was: “What trends can be... Read more

Monday night comedy with Damian Clark at the Woolshed Baa

08 August 2008

I’m not a fan of live stand-up comedy. It’s not that I don’t think it’s funny. I just hate to see anybody bomb, or lose it, or forget something. I can’t relax; I’m always waiting anxiously for some heckler to... Read more

“The world is the mirror of myself dying”

01 August 2008

What would you say if you were asked how large your head was in a mirror? Would you say that, if you stood very close to the mirror, the reflection of your face ought to be the same size as... Read more

Should I join Facebook

24 July 2008

Should I join Facebook? I Googled an old acquaintance the other day, a very good-looking old acquaintance. It had been five years since we last talked, and something in the news made me think of her, ie., a perfect opportunity... Read more

Govt did nothing to prepare us for invasion

G.B. | 16 July 2008

The ancient Egyptians used to have a skeleton present in the midst of feasts and celebrations, Montaigne reminds us, while a man called out, ‘Drink and be merry, for when you are dead, you will be like this.’ To remove... Read more

If you won the lotto, you’d want to get your money ASAFP

08 July 2008

The Bennekerry 16, winners of the €19 million jackpot, decided to ‘take their time’ collecting their winnings, according to reports last week. This was an act of such disregard for all the working stiffs in Ireland – people who would... Read more

Ten things you can afford to do during a recession

04 July 2008

Are you worried that tightening the belt over the next year or two (optimistically) will mean a life of boredom and a lack of cultural, intellectual, or physical adventures? The Inside Back has come up with 10 things you can... Read more

Soon, there will be more TV than world

26 June 2008

People in Ireland are watching more television than ever, and on more and bigger televisions than ever, and it’s destroying the world. From 1990 to 2006, average household electricity use per person increased by 62 per cent, according to Sustainable... Read more

Sailing is not for relaxing

17 June 2008

I sailed my fourth Lambay Regatta two weeks ago – the annual cannonball run of the moderately rich and their hangers-on around Lambay Island. I race on a J109 – one of about eight crew – out of Dun Laoghaire.... Read more

I’m not lost, I’m just not interested...

14 June 2008

Last week, the New York Times published an article in praise of the television show Lost for ‘dismissing the notion of easy resolutions’ through ‘narrative uncertainty’. I’m not really qualified to write a review article about Lost. I should say... Read more

Love is back in the air — the experts debate

31 May 2008

One of my single(ish) female friends, urging a (very) single male friend to try meeting a mate on the internet, told him: “Online dating isn’t just for losers anymore.” I think she’s probably right – the singles scene is complex... Read more

Inside Back prepares to fail his driving test

20 May 2008

Next month, I sit my first ever Irish driving exam; and I become that sad national caricature – the thirty-something going for a first full licence. I am disconsolate. I’ve been driving (in the US) since I was 14 years... Read more

Tourism, video and the death of all experience

Greg Baxter | 19 May 2008

Tourism is a disease of the soul. It’s the third fundament-alism. It drives homogeneity across the globe like a weed that devegetates every landscape it encounters. And it’s the habitat of the obnoxious semi-rich, who would rather have things exactly... Read more

The sad and lonely gamboling life of (captive) gay animals

07 May 2008

War Emblem, the 2002 winner of America’s greatest horse race, the Kentucky Derby, is in the closet and he can’t get out. It’s no fun to be a gay stallion. Life for War Emblem, at the Shadai Stallion Station on... Read more

Ross Kemp on the inhumanity of war

Greg Baxter | 29 April 2008

Watching Ross Kemp travel to the world’s most violent places and ridicule, through a variety of ways, the suffering of others while glorifying everything white and western, is torture. And I don’t mean the kind of torture which is used... Read more

Cure for the back-at-work blues

02 April 2008

You’ve just returned from your Easter holidays. The instantaneous gloom of bleak corridors and fake telephone voices and meetings in which the whole year stretches inconceivably forward feels as heavy as the weight of raw materials that will be melted... Read more

A handful of open letters to fancy car drivers

26 March 2008

Dear Cozy Leather SUV Entertainment Complex, How many children do you need watching ‘Spongebob Squarepants’ in the dozen screens of that ridiculous boat of a vehicle to realise that you have failed as a human being? Or is that why... Read more

Express train to hell

18 March 2008

Nobody will be left to witness it: in 7.59 billion years, the earth, incinerating as it crashes out of orbit, is engulfed by a sun 256 times its current size and 2,730 times as bright - a red giant, devouring... Read more

Doomsday seedbank opens in Norway; all eggs in one basket

05 March 2008

This is creepy. A 'doomsday' seed vault had its ceremonial opening in Norway last week, deep within an Arctic mountain in a remote archipelago, with an entrance 130 metres above sea level. The Svalbard Global Seed Vault (www.seedvault.no), financed by... Read more

The freedom of writing for small audiences

26 February 2008

John McCain, the Republican party’s candidate for US President, has stated several times that terrorism (he also uses extremism or religious extremism) is the transcendent challenge of the 21st century. A very bad problem becomes a “transcendent challenge”, presumably, when... Read more

Give leap year day back to the people

12 February 2008

If you’re anything like me, which is to say, if you have a job, a few extracurricular interests and a middling to active social life (I don’t like to boast), you’d do just about anything to have an eighth day... Read more

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