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Opinion: Garrett FitzGerald
All entries for Garrett FitzGerald
Inhuman care in our centres of excellence
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 09 March 2010
Dr Garrett FitzGerald was appalled to discover the latest mealy-mouthed explanation for failures in a large emergency department... Read more
Benny and the boys get down to business
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 04 March 2010
Dr Garrett FitzGerald gives an account of what ‘really’ went on behind closed doors at the Vatican during the Irish bishops’ visit to Pope Benedict last month... Read more
The hospitals' tills ring out ding-a-ling
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 25 February 2010
The writing has appeared on the medical walls of our public hospitals and the doctors have been the first to see it, says Dr Garrett FitzGerald... Read more
A Brazilian bad thoughts could be eliminated
Garrett FitzGerald | 18 February 2010
With the average head producing 70,000 thoughts per day, many of which are ‘bad’, Dr Garrett FitzGerald believes a return to the confessional is required... Read more
Dodging the only Suir thing in this life
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 11 February 2010
Dr Garrett FitzGerald works out the formula to predict the likelihood of dying within the year if you are a resident in Tipp... Read more
Opening our natural selection boxes
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 04 February 2010
While every unhappy family may be unhappy in its own way, Dr Garrett FitzGerald discovered some common genetic traits at Christmas... Read more
Reinventing the trolley wheel
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 28 January 2010
Dr Garrett FitzGerald examines why measures to banish the trolley from the Emergency Department in Limerick do not have a snowball's chance in 'clinical winter' of succeeding... Read more
How to get 'a head' in life...
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 21 January 2010
With research confirming that aerobic exercise-training increases brain volume in the elderly, Dr Garrett FitzGerald fears a new race of geriatric long-distance runners with 200-watt heads... Read more
No debate on health changes
Dr Garret Fitzgerald | 14 January 2010
Dr Garret Fitzgerald writes that although the last number of years have seen the most significant changes ever in Ireland's health system, the public have had no say in the matter... Read more
Letting the 'Mad Men' loose on medicine
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 07 January 2010
Now that the Medical Council has eased up on the restrictions on doctors advertising, Dr Garrett FitzGerald wonders how far, low and high the profession will go to sell its services... Read more
The comfort zone
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 10 December 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that 12 unpaid working days will be equivalent in the health service to 5,000 staff missing every working day, but it saves face for the unions... Read more
Strange but true
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 03 December 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that it is getting harder and harder to square one particular circle. Health insurance is rising, subscribers are leaving, but we keep on building private hospitals... Read more
A rebel yell of ‘secession’
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 26 November 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald reflects on the similarities between the present crisis in public finances and the drastic health cuts of the 1980s. But he also wonders if individual hospitals might manage better with less... eh, management... Read more
Betsy! Betsy! Betsy!
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 19 November 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald tells the story of a late, much-admired doctor and a patient who claimed that rural electrification had eliminated the need for men to go searching for wives... Read more
Two-tier system of beheading in Saudi
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 12 November 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald recommends that you go to Saudi Arabia for at least a fortnight, otherwise you may miss a beheading attended by a blood-thirsty mob... Read more
It's not the flying that I fear - it's the crashing
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 05 November 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald tells us of the days of an early Ryanair route from Waterford and Luton known as the Vomit Comet, where he learned the secret to beating his fear of flight... Read more
Retrovirus may shed light on mystery of chronic fatigue
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 29 October 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald was once sent many patients who suffered from chronic fatigue. He listened with sympathy but believed the condition was psychological... Read more
Achieving the rank of corporal suffering
Dr Garrett Fitzgerald | 22 October 2009
When things really start to fall apart due to the passage of time, Dr Garrett FitzGerald believes a little expense account may be your only man... Read more
Lourdes water is the only cure
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 08 October 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGearld recalls again his formative years when he was educated by the Jesuits. It's been 50 years but he is now showing signs of recovery... Read more
TMWS — not NAMA — is the dangerous acronym
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 01 October 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald looks at an ever more prevalent syndrome affecting Irish people, and the tried and trusted methods curing it... Read more
She who fails to plan, plans to fail
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 24 September 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that regardless of whether your health cover is Plan A, Plan B or whatever, it seems that the Minister has no proper plans for the health system at all... Read more
Clerical error steals the show at All-Ireland finals
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 17 September 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald was at the recent All-Ireland hurling final between Tipperary and Kilkenny and writes that the senior match was an anti-climax after events from earlier in the day... Read more
Poor standards in NHS nursing care
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 10 September 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that the scandal that occurred in the Mid-Staffordshire NHS Foundation Trust will have implications for the future of the UK's famous health system... Read more
Jumping on the Paddy wagon
Garett Fitzgerald | 27 August 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that we are willing to embrace everyone as one of our own, as long as they are famous and can bring a few more punters into our pubs... Read more
Are there any real originals out there wonders the silicone doc?
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 20 August 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald takes a look around the internet for some choice bargains in the field of cosmetic surgery... Read more
Raining cats and kittens
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 13 August 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald recalls the early stirrings of his most scientific mind and his first experiments in bringing the the mountain to Muhammed — or was that Mitchelstown?... Read more
Banana republic goes bust for Boston
Dr Garret Fitzgerald | 06 August 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that we are leaving Berlin far behind us in our rush to acquire a US-style healthcare system, which will cherry-pick from the 'well-heeled well'... Read more
Some words of advice on avoiding the H1N1 flu virus
Garret Fitzgerald | 30 July 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald offers some tips to help you avoid being struck down with swine flu. Whatever you do, avoid all people, things and places — especially Donegal... Read more
Dognosticians give paws for thought
Garrett FitzGerald | 17 July 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald takes a look at dog diagnosticians that have the ability to sniff out tumours and wonders how they would fit into the Irish healthcare system. I have been advised to get a Portuguese water dog or a... Read more
Hurling history on hallowed ground
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 10 July 2009
At the dog track in Thurles, across the road from Semple, Dwan from Holycross couldn’t for the life of him make out why two of the best parking spots were being guarded against all-comers. There were three custodians of the... Read more
Where is the Christianity?
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 26 June 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that our health system is on track to ensuring that there is one law for the rich patients and one for the poor — business as usual in Ireland Justice Seán Ryan’s report told us much... Read more
There are no drugs in cycling — absolutely, positively, certainly
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 19 June 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald puts his medical mind to work examining the results of 'the cycling'. Could it be that there are athletes using drugs in the sport? Surely not! On the fourth of July, the top cyclists in the world... Read more
Ghosthunters in Spookane!
Garrett FitzGerald | 12 June 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald gives us the lowdown on a trip to Bing Crosby's birthplace to track down the ghost of 'White Christmas' past — but this is nothing like we used to know. If you are unfortunate enough to have... Read more
An attitude of 'can't do' and passing the buck
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 08 June 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald puts his economic cap on and finds that the keys to the banana plantation are in the hands of the monkeys. There is something seriously wrong with the economic thinking at present. I am not George Lee... Read more
The absolution to all our problems?
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 02 June 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that the pilot programme of e-confessions is working nicely down in Tipperary...as long as penitents are careful to hit the right buttons The latest thing is being piloted in Tipperary, the Premier County. No surprise there.... Read more
Exposing the underbelly of medical lowlife
Dr Garrett FitxGerald | 25 May 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that unscrupulous doctors in the US have been exposed on the internet... but that could not happen here, right? Nowadays, you can blog away without any possibility of being sued. You can say anything you like... Read more
Delving deep for missing items
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 14 May 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald looks into (literally) every corner of the HSE body to see what he can turn up. The moral of the story is to stay away — unless you want to find yourself full of hospital equipment and... Read more
A berry good way to live a longer, healthier life
Garrett FitzGerald | 11 May 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that the secret to a long life would appear to be eating hearty doses of blackberries — and avoiding the pooka. The pooka was the devil himself, and probably still is. Clever me knows him now... Read more
Oh Brothers, where art thou now?
24 April 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald ponders the rise in crime and harks back to an earlier time, when the men in black ruled with an iron hand... Read more
Find a little piece of heaven on earth
Garrett Fitzgerald | 15 April 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that in the midst of all the economic gloom and Budget worries, a trip to St Mullins will help you to put things in perspective.... Read more
Use your head and start a new career
Garrett FitzGerald | 07 April 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that colleagues who may be thinking about retirement should consider a handy new career in cranial osteopathy. Vast hordes of newly retired consultants have been phoning me night and day, seeking my invaluable advice on the... Read more
Take a welcome break from reality
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 03 April 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that reality is vastly overrated, so you might as well create a nicer place where you can escape to until all this talk of recession is over. Reality is the most over-rated commodity of the lifestyle... Read more
Prof Spiderman to the rescue of HSE
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 26 March 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald on the HSE strategy to use consultant arachnologists to solve the problems of the health service year-on-year going forward. Patient:- Doctor, what exactly is it that’s wrong with me? Doctor:- It would take a wiser man than... Read more
Send us your clowns
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 21 March 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that although there is an official shortage of clowns in Britain, we are never short of a few here in this country. There is now an official shortage of clowns in Britain. This statement has been... Read more
Read my lips — please raise more taxes
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 06 March 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that no decisions can ever be made in this country without a commission or ten looking into all the options first. There are lads down here getting the banners ready and some of the girls are... Read more
Abstinence makes the hair grow stronger
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 18 February 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that those of you who have lost your hair may be unnerved by some recent findings from the University of Nottingham. An old acquaintance from my school days, who went bald when he was young and... Read more
The current thinking on high-voltage sport
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 09 February 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that if today’s athletes want to become tomorrow’s sporting legends, then they should get their thinking caps on and get some ESB therapy. I have found the secret at last. There can be little doubt about... Read more
Will Vatican teams have a ghost of a chance?
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 24 January 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that the Vatican's new crack teams, which will be sent out to investigate claims of religious apparitions, will be tasked with some very peculiar duties. In preparation for this learned treatise, I flew to London to... Read more
An Bord Machete will slash hospital services
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 14 January 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that the ballooning health budgets of recent years have done little to solve problems in the health service ... what will it be like after these budgets are slashed? Barack Hussein Obama is coming to save... Read more
You ain't seen cutting yet — it's back to 1987
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 09 January 2009
Dr Garrett FitzGerald predicts that within 20 years the HSE will be able to provide unlimited services at no cost at all based on its current predictions. No need to make resolutions for this New Year. They have already been... Read more
Will anyone save our bacon before this year's Winterfest?
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 13 December 2008
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that the powers that be have made a pig's ear of telling the nation about dioxins in Irish pork, ruining our turkey-and-ham dinner well in advance of Christmas. It’s bad news for pigs as well. They... Read more
Munster madness affects the masses
29 November 2008
Dr Garett FitzGerald reports on some strange medical ailments going on last week throughout Munster, after the province's rugby team almost beat the All Blacks in Thomond Park. There are three tombstones in Ballygunner cemetery whose inscriptions have been altered... Read more
Minister has 'lost it' on cervical cancer vaccine
Garett FitzGerald | 20 November 2008
Dr Garrett FitzGerald does not think much of what is happening at Government or HSE level and writes that after the recent debacles in health, an election cannot come soon enough. The process by which the doctors will be sidelined... Read more
Grey Power takes control of cuts
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 04 November 2008
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that recent protests mean that primary-care cuts have been taken off the table, which leaves hospitals as the major target. All that stuff about Grey Power (not a Waterford man) is wonderfully democratic. Hundreds of angry... Read more
So where have all the women doctors gone?
Dr Garett FitzGerald | 28 October 2008
Dr Garett FitzGerald wonders where all the female doctors have disappeared to these days, especially considering that almost 60 per cent of medical graduates are female. All you bright young female docs, please phone home. Where are you at all?... Read more
Sarah Palin's master plan for the HSE
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 14 October 2008
Dr Garett FitzGerald takes a call from Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah (Mooseburger) Palin and talks her out of running the HSE. Sarah Palin has been invited to head up the HSE, if she doggone don’t make it in November. I... Read more
Driving a bargain in those pre-recession Tiger days
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 30 September 2008
Dr Garrett FitzGerald feels a wave of nostalgia for the good old days. He feels particularly keenly for the plight of that well-known economic barometer, the used-car salesman. It’s hard to believe that the good old days are ending. Some... Read more
Travels in Funnymoney land
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 23 September 2008
It’s all clear now. But it’s too late, of course. There was something strange about your ordinary citizen having himself televised as he trudged triumphantly along the shores of the Black Sea, looking out for the best value in holiday... Read more
If at first you don't succeed...
Garrett FitzGerald | 13 September 2008
Garrett Fitzgerald reports from Waterford that the county is somewhat excited by their appearance in the All-Ireland hurling final — which happens every half-century. They’re stone mad down here in the Deise. There are enough white-and-blue flags to stretch to... Read more
Jesse James and the 'Hole in the Wall' gang
Garrett FitzGerald | 08 September 2008
Dr Garrett FitzGerald watched the Democratic convention taking place in the mile-high city of Denver, but he keeps his feet on the ground about the 'HillBilly' show and prospects for 2012. Barack Obama is going to provide free healthcare for... Read more
It's gone to the dogs down in the Déise
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 16 August 2008
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that in the midst of economic instability, the people of Waterford have their own concerns about the co-located hospital that is being proposed for the region It’s important to get things clear in the mind. There... Read more
The time for flower smelling
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 06 August 2008
Dr Garrett FitzGerald advises that we should take some time to smell the roses in retirement — and wonders if certain GAA umpires ever reach the end of their officiating lives. All the best psychologists and rural soothsayers are in... Read more
Getting ready for a rough ride
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 23 July 2008
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that whatever about A and B, it's now time for Plan C, Plan D or maybe even Plan E for A&E access. The last time the country was banjaxed, the Government of the day had little... Read more
The secret is out – the gold rush is on
Dr Garrett FitzGerald | 09 July 2008
Dr Garrett FitzGerald writes that it's like Klondike in Clontibret now that a lucky strike has found gold in them there drumlins, but he also wonders how the situation will 'pan out'. So, everybody knows now. The Clontibret Gold Rush... Read more