There’s good news for all you Police fans – or anyone who loves really bad music sung by really old men. They’re back together, and they’re coming to the Point in October. I can already see all the Mercs and Beemers parked on top of footpaths in Ringsend, the middle-aged rockers inside listening to a little Lionel Richie and Billy Joel to get themselves pumped up for a night of badass tunes. Some might even be downing small bottles of frappacino.
The only reunion that worries me more (and the Police reunion worries me alot) is the Mary Harney’s return to Fianna Fail, as suggested by John Minihan, the Progessive Democrat senator from Cork.
The election setback for of the PDs effectively ruins what Noel Grealish, the only other PD TD to be elected, called the “guts of 30 years” of work by Mary Harney. The PDs, before Harney became the Minister for Health, had a reputation as a competition-minded, laissez faire mavericks. They were – or were perceived to be by a nation becoming increasingly (almost ridiculoulsy) wealthier every day – the party of self-reliance and American-style entrepeneurship.
Last week, when the country went to the polls, the PDs were the party of arrogance, incoherence, ineptitude, and, most importantly, the fall guys for a Government that had more luck than brains – more fiscal serendipity than fiscal responsibility.
The PDs could not survive two things: 1) The move from business to healthcare and 2) The replacement of Harney, a charismatic sort, by Michael McDowell, who seemed to me to be the least liked politician since US Southern Baptist Pat Robertson. McDowell was called “bright” by Bertie Ahern, but bright doesn’t win elections.
The Fianna Fail party has to be delighted. They got away with (not literally) murder, and they can call all the shots now. The other elected PDs (all one of them) have questioned whether Harney has the energy or will to rebuild the party. It’s a good question. The only answer that matters is that she must, or it’s goodbye for the PDs, the short-lived political experiment that made a lot of noise for a few decades, then found itself abruptly, humiliatingly, and painfully under the proverbial bus.

So we got it wrong.
We thought there was a health crisis and that the voters would boot out the Fianna Fail and PD Government because of their failure to reduce waiting lists and take patients off trollies.
But the voters have spoken and Fianna Fail will form the next government.
Former Fine Gael Minister Ivan Yates said on RTE television and radio that the election was won by Breakfast Roll Man.

That’s the guy who leaves his house in Portarlington or Cellbridge at 6.30 am every morning, grabs a bacon buttie roll in the 24 hour garage on the way to work and eats his lunch at his desk.
When he gets home he works out how he’s going to manage paying the mortgage and bring his wife and kids on a foreign holiday.
Breakfast Roll man is young, fit and healthy, so he hasn’t spent much time in hospital. His main concern is the economy and that’s why the Fianna Fail candidates got his number one and number two votes.
But he didn’t vote for the Progressive Democrats which is why Mary Harney probably won’t be the next Minister for Health.
You win some, you lose some

So, at least one bloodsport can be good for your health!
Forget which party has won, or done well, in the Irish Republic’s general election. Look at the individual candidates’ performances. It’s great fun and is good for your short-term wellbeing by cheering you up no end, if certain candidates get hammered or your favourites do well.
Regardless of party allegiances, there are some candidates you admire because of their personality or due to the fact that they work tirelessly to help people, away from the media spotlight. Its great to see hard working, decent politicians get rewarded every five years.
The real fun, though, is seeing electoral disasters befalling politicians who bring up the bile in your throat. It puts you in heel-clicking, thigh-slapping, side-splitting good humour to see these lads or lasses brought to heel by their masters, the electorate.
So, if you are despondent about who forms the next government, take heart. Hold onto the election coverage from the newspapers and mark with a highlighter pen those results where the candidates you can’t stand got a hammering. Then, any time you are feeling a bit down, take the paper out and laugh your ass off.
It’s great for your short-term mental health.

I was in the middle of writing my blog entry today about why I hope things are about to change in this country when I stumbled upon this blog entry, which probably says it better than I was going to.
Still, I’ll say a bit anyway.
I think it must be an Irish thing, rewarding years of mistakes and general government arrogance by allowing the same lot to remain in power, or even wanting them to. It’s as if once we acknowledge that someone or something is wrong, we have then solved the entire problem. Once it’s out in the open that most of our public services are dire we can stop thinking about it or trying to change it, and as punishment, vote back in the people responsible for improvement that never happened.
So if FF get back in power and I hear one person who voted for them complaining about the state of anything, I might have to kill them.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of meeting Mary Harney in Dublin Castle as she launched the Health Information and Quality Authority (HIQA). After the launch she spoke to journalists for about 15 minutes, answering questions about the nursing strike and the latest opinion polls, among others.
The question and answer session was nothing new, but what was interesting was Ms Harney’s exuberant mood. Bouncing on the balls of her feet, smiling, making jokes and generally being an all-around pleasant person to spend 15 minutes with is not how I usually picture Mary Harney.
Her loyal side-kick, Derek Cunningham, was also much more pleasant than usual, although his bonhomie was slightly more forced. Not even the PDs’ falling ratings in the opinion polls could get the Minister down.
“No one has voted in this election yet,” she sang. “In 2002 we were even lower in the polls and it didn’t affect our votes!”
She then smilingly told us journalists that she knows we, the health hacks, would be on her side.
Um, right. One happy quarter-of-an-hour does not our favourite politican make, Mary.

Fr Jack Hackett will be the inspiration for the next Minister for Health, no matter who he or she is. You’ll see why in a minute.
First of all, read the health sections of the election manifestos of the six main political parties. If you’re not cynical beforehand, you will be afterwards.
The two government parties had 10 years to do this stuff, so why are they falling over themselves in the dying hours of their administration to say how they will revolutionise the health service?
As for the four opposition parties, they have to be given some benefit of the doubt because they haven’t been in power for 10 years or more. But if elected, do you think the results they achieve will be anywhere near what they promised? Really?
Firstly, many of the the six parties’ promises will require negotiations with doctors, nurses and other health professionals. So, no problem there then.
Secondly, why aren’t each of these promises costed individually? Easy to promise, not so easy to deliver.
Finally, if anything goes wrong, the Minister will tell the Dáil that these are matters for the Health Service Executive. Funny how Ministers hand the ball to the HSE when they are about to have a herd of angry interest groups or opposition politicians tackle them and stomp them into the ground, but the same Ministers will strut around like champs, claiming the praise, when they get a good result.
So much for taking responsibility for their election promises!
Which brings us back to our Fr Ted character. Remember when Fr Ted trained Fr Hackett to repeat the phrase ‘That would be an ecumenical matter’ if he was asked questions by visiting priests, so he wouldn’t embarrass everyone?
The new Minister for Health, whoever they are, will use a similar phrase, albeit a rambling one, repeated ad nauseum, to avoid awkaward questions: “The question relates to the funding, management and delivery of health and personal social services, which are the responsibility of the Health Service Executive under the Health Act, 2004. Accordingly, my Department has requested the Parliamentary Affairs Division of the Executive to arrange to have this matter investigated and to have a reply issued…” BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

Rock the Vote? Perhaps the campaign should be called Mock the Vote, since I can’t imagine that anyone finds credibility, or an incentive to vote, in watching the humiliating and hilarious attempts of our general election candidates to get ‘down with the kids’.
These attempts include: Enda Kenny’s revelation to Hot Press that Marilyn Monroe is his favourite sex symbol, Pat Rabbitte’s proclamation that Bono is “the leader in the new pride Irish people feel in their Irishness”, and Sinn Fein’s MEP Mary Lou McDonald wielding an electric guitar outside Government buildings (I’m not sure why).
The campaign exists for a reason, I’m not arguing with that. I certainly didn’t vote when I was 18 and neither did anyone else I knew. We were too busy finally being old enough to legally drink to care about finally being old enough to vote. I’d say the number of people who wake up the morning of their 18th birthday in an ecstasy of voting anticipation is non-existent. More young people should vote, we all agree.
The problem is, a Rock the Vote campaign would not have made me, for one, rush to the polls. Why? Because it is essentially talking down to young people, who don’t need Irish ‘celebrities’ like Katie French (No, I don’t know who she is either) telling them it’s sexy to vote, since they are, in fact, capable of reading a newspaper and deciding for themselves like everyone else. Maybe the ones who don’t vote just don’t care.
A similar American campaign, led by rapper P.Diddy, was mocked by many during the US presidential election in 2004. The subtle ‘Vote or Die’ campaign was criticised for not actually having any effect on the turnout of young people on voting day – exit polls showed that 18-29-year-olds made up just 17 per cent of all voters.
“Yeah, we rocked the vote all right,” remarked gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson, sarcastically commenting on this turnout. “Those little bastards betrayed us again.”

What I predict or think will happen in this election doesn’t really matter.
But who cares? Speculating about the success or failure of Dáil Éireann wannabes is fun – especially when they’re docs! And there’s 10 of them running in this election, so here goes.
First, and I can’t get this wrong surely, former Monaghan GP, Dr Rory O’Hanlon, need not bother clearing his desk. As Ceann Comhairle of the 29th Dáil he is automatically returned to the 30th one. Cavan-Monaghan can breathe easy!
He will be joined there by fellow ‘Soldiers of Destiny’ Dr Jim McDaid (Letterkenny GP) and Dr Jimmy Devins (Sligo GP), representing Donegal North East and Sligo-North Leitrim respectively. A clean sweep for Fianna Fáil docs then. Although, with Dr Dermot Fitzpatrick not standing in Dublin Central this time, there will be one less GP on their benches.
Fine Gael next. Dr John Barton and Dr Bill Tormey will still be practising medicine full time after 24 May. The former, a consultant physician/cardiologist at Portiuncula, is standing in Galway East, while the latter, a consultant pathologist at two Dublin hospitals, is a candidate in Dublin North West.
The rest of Fine Gael’s docs are in a for one hell of a battle. GP trainee, Dr Leo Varadkar, has a real possibility of grabbing the final seat in Dublin West. He will narrowly miss out but build enough of a base for the next time around.
In Dublin North, Lusk GP, Dr James Reilly, will get past the finishing post in a very tough battle. His role as a family doctor will probably be what gives him that extra heave over the line.
Elsewhere, Rosslare GP, Dr Liam Twomey, faces a tough battle to retain his Wexford seat but he should just about do it.
Meanwhile, despite suggestions that Independent TD, Dr Jerry Cowley’s support has slipped in Mayo, the Mulranny GP’s ability to snatch transfers from everywhere should see get him re-elected – but only just.
Finally, retired Crumlin Hospital consultant, Dr Roisín Healy will make an impact in Dublin South Central but not enough to sneak a seat.
The last Dáil had six doctors. The next one will have the same number.
If any of these predictions turn out to be wrong, its my news editor’s fault for letting me write such unscientific drivel. If the elections prove that I was right, I take full responsibility for the thoroughly researched, carefully considered, well crafted, political analysis you have just read.
Take none of the blame and all of the credit! Maybe I should consider a career in politics…

I don’t know about you but I am finding it incredibly difficult to get worked up over the upcoming general election in Ireland. There is a certain amount of “ho-hum, seen it all before” about it.
Well, when I say “seen it all before”, I don’t think I have actually seen a Taoiseach scuttle off to the President early on a Sunday morning – like some truant who stayed out later than the curfew set by their parents – to dissolve the Dail. It was actually quietly amusing – not dignified at all but certainly worth a chuckle.
I also don’t think I have ever heard a Taoiseach say that we should “thank him” for the current state of the public health system. I still can’t believe he actually said that. I mean what in God’s name possessed him to come out with something like that?
Well let me just, on behalf of the Irish public, stand up and shout out a big thank you to the Bertster for our healthcare system. Yeah, thanks Bertie for the trollies, MRSA, nurses dispute, Tim O’Malley, consultant contracts, private health insurance, Medical Practitioners Act, PPARS, FISP, Micheal Martin, health portal, the North East generally, Tim O’Malley, community-based mental health services, the central mental hospital, drug treatment services, Leas Cross, Tim O’Malley, nursing homes and the subvention, national children’s hospital, breast check, Tim O’Malley, national cervical screening programme, dialysis, orthopaedics, the GMS, over 70s medical card, the HSE, the doctor-only card, increased A&E charges, Tim O’Malley, neurologists, cystic fibrosis services, diabetologists etc etc etc etc.
I think I have just lost the will to continue right now. By all means if you can think of other things we should thank Bertie about, please let me know.