Bad news for Cavan residents hoping the new super-hospital in the northeast will be anywhere near Cavan: Bertie Ahern doesn’t even know Cavan’s in the Republic.
Speaking in the Dail yesterday, the Taoiseach incorrectly identified Co. Cavan as part of Northern Ireland.
While the rest of us were learning Irish geography, he was probably taking secret classes in how to keep large amounts of money safe without a bank account.
I bet that class was great fun, and included tips on denying things, where best to stash the money (safes and the like) and, when confronted with questions about the cash-stashing, detailed diagrams of the expression into which you should arrange your face.
During a debate on the lack of broadband availability in Ireland, during which Enda Kenny produced figures showing Ireland comes 33rd in a list of 35 “good broadband” countries, Bertie started blustering about the technology companies Google and Apple.
“They all use this country as their research and development base,” he said.
“Not in County Cavan,” shouted Deputy Seymour Crawford, delighted for the chance to get his constituency into the conversation, even when it has nothing to do with the subject at hand.
The three-times-elected Taoiseach then said … wait for it … “I am talking about the Republic of Ireland.”
Silence.
Perhaps in an attempt to gloss over this embarrassment, Fine Gael TD James Bannon continued the broadband rant, saying, “It is patchy throughout Ireland.”
Next, in a childish “so’s your face” style of retaliation, a TD shot back: “Fine Gael is patchy throughout Ireland.”
Bertie, meanwhile, did not take this chance to change the subject but actually repeated his previous slight on Cavan.
By “slight” I mean giant, unbelievable display of ignorance.
“While the House can discuss County Cavan another day, I am discussing the Republic of Ireland and Members should keep to that,” rumbled Bertie importantly.
“County Cavan is not in the North,” an anonymous TD said (I imagine) wearily. Or maybe, he whispered to Bertie, reminding him of what everyone else learned in primary school.
But we shouldn’t blame our Taoiseach for his alarming lack of Six Counties geography knowledge. It’s not really his fault – he was just paying extra attention in Money Gathering 101.
About Sandra Ryan
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Mr Ahern’s lack of basic knowledge regarding his mistaken belief that Cavan has relocated to Northern Ireland is hard to believe. For someone whose essential claim to fame is the success of the Northern Peace Process, it is interesting to note that he also claims to have brought peace to Cavan. Obviously, geography and basic spelling were not his strong subjects at school. He has been in GOVERMENT for thirty years and he still can’t spell the word.