Discoveries of Ozzy Osbourne’s complete DNA have found a sequence of mumbly codes that are almost completely congested and unreadable, Viscera has learnt.
Recent studies detected that the former heavy metal singer had subliminal genes that must be unraveled backwards.
An American company uniquely distinguished a gene responsible for making Jack Daniel’s unattractive and unpleasing in any amount less than a fifth.
The former reality star was found to have an uncommon brain that possessed not just opiate receptors but also powerful transmitters too.

His DNA sequence shares a close genetic link with no other living creature and possess enough musical ability to get very lucky.
The Osbourne genetic make-up devises an increased probability of creating, developing, and headlining Ozzfest.
Ozzy’s DNA contained a ‘Sharon Marker’ making the rock singer predisposed to shuffle about shouting ‘Sharon!’
Considering the subject is married to a person of this name is a statistically improbable coincidence, according to The Onion, a satirical American news organisation.

Group photo from Irish Society of Occupational Medicine Spring Conference. Delegates outside Hollister Medical Products factory, Ballina.

Thirty-five-year-old Sarah Colwill puts the startling change down to an extremely rare medical condition known as Foreign Accent Syndrome (FAS).
Other stories of Foreign Accent Syndrome:

“Halifax Home Insurance estimated that £400m (€445m) worth of damage was caused last year by people who lack genetically pre-determined Do-It-Yourself ability.”

This shift in the toads’ behaviour coincided with disruptions in the ionosphere, the uppermost electromagnetic layer of the earth’s atmosphere, which were detected using very low frequency (VLF) radio sounding.

The Irish Doctors’ Environmental Association will hold a public meeting on Saturday, April 17 at Trinity College Dublin, Ui Chadhain Lecture Theatre, Arts Building.
At noon, Olle Johannson, Associate Professor at the Karolinska Institute will discuss the heath hazards of electromagnetic radiation (i.e. wireless technologies and mobile phones).
Download the full programme.

Does the freedom to die enhance lives?
Shane Leavy reports on a recent talk in Ireland by the controversial Australian Dr Philip Nitschke, who took part in the world’s first legal, physician-assisted suicide in 1996.
Who decides the health agenda?
Shocked by the scandal at Tallaght, Dr Ruairi Hanley laments that our healthcare priorities seem to be decided not by clinical experts, but by the subjective, random outrage of the media.
Recent coverage of ME and cognitive behavioural therapy continues to drive conversation about the condition, and IMT published letters by Orla Ní Chomhraí and Dr John H Greensmith.
Health comes to those born rich
Shane Leavy reviews the findings of the 2008 Combat Poverty report and finds that health has as much to do with the money in one’s pocket as the food in one’s fridge.

For years, men who otherwise consider themselves tough have been reduced to anguished wimps by the very slightest of colds.
Men have, for years, referred to this condition as the flu. Women, who are inexplicably capable of performing almost normally with colds and flus, have cruelly renamed this cold that feels to men like flu: man flu.
Well, at long last, there’s reason to suspect that the very wimpiest of man flu sufferers may be the best catches.
I (the present author, a male) would like to add that I have a sniffle and a bit of a headache right now. How do I feel? Well, I am in agony.

The Irish Medical Times practice management seminar for GPs on medico-legal issues relating to general practice takes place on March 27, and now is your last chance to register.
The venue is the Herbert Park Hotel, Ballsbridge, D4. The fee for the seminar is €90. Please contact Dylan Conway on (01) 817 6330 or email dylan.conway@imt.ie for information or to book, or download a brochure.

From the Laryngospasms:
Do you have an idea for a medical parody? It could be worth $500 if it is selected for use by the Spasms! The author of a song chosen for use will receive $500, free signed copies of all of our albums, and full credit for the song if it is recorded. Who knows? It could be performed on America’s Got Talent this summer! Here are some guidelines we use when writing a parody:

Strive to evoke a humorous image with the words you choose;
The subject should be humorous even without the music;
The subject should have broad appeal and not be confined to enjoyment by a narrow segment of the audience;
Popular, well-known songs seem to work best.